A birth story - From the father's perspective -

louël
6. Dez. 2023
7 Min. Lesezeit

Aktualisiert: 6. Feb. 2024

(If you prefer the audio version, you´ll find it in the very end of this page)

Frühlingsmorgen; Ein Sonnenschein, Glitt durchs Fenster zu uns herein

Von Wellen getragen, in Liebe empfangen,

Im Meeresrausche die Menschen sangen

So ward geboren ein Licht so rein,

In unsere schöne Welt hinein.

Spring morning; A ray of sunshine

Glided in through the window to us

Carried by waves, received in love,

With the sound of the sea the people sang

Thus was born a light so pure,

Into our beautiful world.

I wrote this poem after the birth of our son.

It was a ray of sunlight that travelled over the horizon, sneaked through the window and woke us up as soon as the waters broke. The first ray of sunshine for many days, the first real day of spring. And for us, a beginning like no other. The beginning of a whole new story.

I remember how the sun was just tickling my face when Lou shouted: "Maël, my waters have broken! Get a towel quickly!"

Although I reacted immediately, I didn't understand what was going on at first. After a brief consultation with Lou, I went downstairs to inform our midwife Sonia, who was fortunately there that very day and had slept in.

However, she remained very relaxed and brushed her teeth first. At first I was a little surprised, but afterwards I would say that this calmness was certainly just the right energy for the rest of the birth.

Finally, I made breakfast and brought it to Lou in bed. However, she only got two spoons down and started to roll around in bed. The first waves were expressed in loud sounds. Only then did I realise that the birth had actually started. When Sonia entered the room, she confirmed this.

Shortly afterwards there was a lot of activity in the house; Sonia, our friends Anna and Chiara were preparing the birth room. Meanwhile, I held Lou in my arms, stroked her, whispered soothing words in her ear and accompanied her in her sounds. Sonia gave us this tip because it is easier for the woman to relax into the waves when someone is sounding with her.

For me, this opened up a magical space that I hadn't expected: I soon felt like I was merging with Lou in the birth. For sure I did not experience those crazy body sensations which Lou did, but still it felt as if I was giving birth myself.

When Sonia asked if Lou wanted to change rooms to get into the birthing pool, she wasn't sure at first if she could stand up, the waves flowing through her were already so strong. With my help, however, she dared to make her way into the sacred birthing room.

The pool, which stood in the centre of the room, shimmered in the candlelight. The windows were covered with beautiful fabrics and on the wall next to the pool was a picture of the goddess Yemanja, goddess of the ocean waves and mother goddess. The gentle sound of the sea emanated from the loudspeakers.

Lou, the powerful woman, was beautiful, shining and radiating as she entered the water to give birth to our child.

We were in a magical energy field that I can hardly describe in words.

While I supported Lou from the edge of the pool, Anna made sure that towels soaked in warm water covered Lou's back. Sonia and Chiara held the space. From time to time, Chiara handed Lou a cup of tea. Sonia observed, took notes, occasionally asked an important question or gave a little tip on how to make things easier for Lou. But mostly she stayed on the sidelines, for which we were very grateful. The process was simply allowed to happen.

Lou and I moaned louder and louder and the intervals between the waves became smaller and smaller.

I tickled Lou's back almost all the time. This was an anchor that we had chosen in a hypnotic birth preparation so that Lou could relax more during the birth. I also whispered in her ear from time to time that she could let go and let her breathe in the smell of lemon oil.

All of these were things that Lou, as she reported afterwards, had been completely unaware of. At this point, she was already completely in the trance of giving birth. In the ecstasy of the waves.

Finally, Sonia gently asked if Lou had any wishes for this birth.

Smiling, she wished for me to join her in the pool.

I was very happy about this, as this would also have been my wish.

So I also got into the water to be very close to Lou. While I held her in my arms from behind, stroked her and sang along with her, time and all thought dissolved completely in the flow of the waves.

Sometimes I left Lou to her sounds and sang a gentle yet powerful song with the others. It felt really sacred to have Lou in our centre, to hold her and the space. I had the feeling that we were accompanied by a magical, invisible being that seemed to be the elemental force of birth, indeed of life.

A force that filled the space and flooded Lou. I felt and saw that what she was experiencing was incredibly exhausting, and yet there was also a deep relaxation, a surrender in her almost screaming face. She was so beautiful. So powerful. Luminous. Her beauty, her strength, were an expression of the death that her old self was experiencing, and they were the origin of her new being as an earth mother.

Her sound was primordially feminine, and mine was the primordially masculine response to it. Feminine and masculine fused. I flowed with the river of birth and so my previous life also said goodbye, was swept away by the waves, and with the birth of my son, a new father was born.

I can still remember this moment very clearly. Shortly before, Lou had already taken my hand and guided me inside herself so that I could feel the little head. It was such a touching moment for me that today I can sometimes hardly believe that I experienced all this magic and love during the birth.

While Lou's sound grew louder and louder, the rest of us chanted a mantra. Om Mani Padme Om.

This mantra brought absolute peace into the space for me. A peace that was not calm, but as wild and powerful as the birth and the sound of the mum-to-be herself. Finally, the mantra ended with a very long Om. At the same moment as this faded away, the little head suddenly appeared.

Lou was now fully in her power. With a clear, present intention and a lustful will, the little child was born into the water and both our arms. It was 11:22 a.m. on 23 March 2021.

The birth had taken about four hours. It could just as easily have been an hour. Or even fifteen. Time had flown by and at the same time seemed to have barely moved. But we didn't worry about that for the while.

It was a moment of joy: Lou in my arms, a little boy in hers.

An intense, shared arrival in which we could hardly take our eyes off the little creature.

After about 30 minutes, the placenta was knocking.

Lou leant against the edge of the pool again. Miracle upon miracle, the placenta was born; a large, fleshy structure that reminded us of a tree, or the roots of a tree.

When Lou finally climbed out of the birthing pool, she placed Elouan in my arms.

I experienced another very special moment: for the first time, my body was as close to my son's body as a man could be. I will never forget how wonderful he felt in my arms and how strong my love for him became at that moment.

Even when he was still in Lou´s womb, I had felt the deep, loving connection to him. I had spoken to him, sung to him, pushed his hand with mine through mum's tummy wall. But now he was fully touchable and I felt as if he was also enjoying finally being able to feel me.

When I got out of the pool myself, I handed our son back to Lou. The placenta, which was still attached to him, was carefully carried with her to the mattress bed that had been set up in the corner of the room.

What a cheer: the whole house was celebrating. Even the neighbours had cooked for us and came over to congratulate us. We toasted with sparkling wine and orange juice.

The food was delicious, but neither Lou nor I could really get anything down. We were far too full of energy.

Full of love, we hardly had eyes for anything other than our son.

Only when Sonia explained something about the lotus birth did we watch with interest as she washed the placenta with water and then rubbed it with salt, loorber leaves and lavender to preserve it. Finally, she sprinkled rose petals over it to honour the placenta. A ritual that we were to repeat for six days from then on. That was how long it would take for her and Elouan to separate by themselves.

While the birth process seemed timeless, the rest of the day suddenly flew by.

At some point it was dark. While Lou and Elouan were lying in bed, we celebrated another birthday in the same room: Anna's. It was a very special gift for her that her future godchild was born on her birthday. A funny memory: the new mum in bed with her newborn son. The rest of us sat next to her on the floor, ate cake, sang birthday songs and played pot-kicking.

At some point, however, the day came to an end. And while Lou and I had woken up the last time as a twosome in the morning, we now fell asleep as a threesome for the very first time.

What a beautiful morning after!